Current Meanderings...

So I know it's been an incredibly long time since my last post, but I've had a busy summer & semester. Tonight, I should have studied philosophy more, haha, but I just had to write down the following. So anyway, here you go, a bit of what's currently on my heart...

So often, I feel as though I do not deserve the love I am given.
So often lately my view of love is shown to be skewed.
Today, once again, a bit of the imperfectness of my love towards others was made known to me. This is completely terrible, but I think my view of love, and/or the way I love others is influenced by the media. Yes, still. I know it was when I was in high school, and I’ve come a good ways closer to the example set by my Master since then, but I still have a good ways to go. It seems to amaze me lately when people tell me they love me even after I’ve done or said something unthinkingly or ridiculous or stupid. Or when I’ve completely torn down a wall around my heart, and they are still sticking around…[of course this could be more of me being shy…but still..]
So often, I get caught up in my own thoughts & I get myself believing false things. It’s really bad. [I think I rely on other peoples’ opinions toooo much]. I thought I would be able to do better than this by now. But I suppose not. God is still showing me, in my relationship with Justin and with other dear friends, that my love is flawed. But also that His love is not. 2 Corinthians 12:9 says “My grace is sufficient for you, My power is made perfect in your weakness” [emphasis added by me].Will I always struggle with this? I hope not….but if it this will leave me with a clear view of my Father’s love, if I would become numb to His love if I did not struggle with this, then perhaps, perhaps it is not so bad.